Driving to NH - June 5, 2005

Driving to New Hampshire,
My thoughts turn to hearth and home,
The strength of family ever-grown
stronger with each passing year.

{Its funny - New Hampshire, the State of my childhood, always feels like home, no matter how long I have been away.}

4:13 AM, Adirondack time

It's 4:13 AM, Adirondack time,
I listen to the first lone robin call.
I am as pleased with the dawn as him
though I haven't slept at all.

At 4:28 a junco joins in
with its twittery, jittery song.
My mind so filled with thoughts of you,
my heart jittered all night long.

At 4:38 it's a phoebe's turn,
By 4:40 the gang convenes -
sparrows, wrens, and last a crow -
I wonder what it all means.

If I could sing a song to you,
the sun rising into summertime haze,
You'd hear love as clear as that robin's first call -
A love first, true and to the last of our days.

Nothing Like It

There is nothing like a radish,
pulled fresh from the warm soil,
rinsed with clear, cold well water,
snapped free of its root & stem,
and eaten right there,
barefoot in the garden.

Afternoon walk with dog in our Adirondack woods

Dappled sun through bright new leaves
Wild scents only dog perceives
Shrubs in bloom & flies like bees
Fallow fields sway in the breeze
Grass & ferns brush 'gainst my knees
While pollen clouds disperse from trees.

Cool & crisp, the mountain air
Dries my sweat & ruffles hair
We walk this land without a care
My dog could lead me anywhere
He drinks from puddles here & there
A grouse takes flight - a startled scare.

I'd hate to leave this mountain home
It's my desire when I roam
I long to be here when away
& dream of days just like today.

Poison

Poison. Am I poison?
Think long of
My heart and soul
in your life.

Can you honestly say
That the good outweighs the bad ?
The love outweighs the heartbreak?
The time together outweighs the time silently apart?

I still think of you,
wish to be there for you.
I want nothing but the best for you.
Know that. Believe that.

I still sit,
lonely, late at night.
Let it go? Perhaps let it go.
Perhaps less of me IS all the best for you.

Poison. Am I poison?
Think long of
My heart and soul
in your life.

Total eclipse

Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart

Bonnie Tyler, The Ramones

Me, on life (again)

Sometimes I feel
like I am larger than life,
towering like a cumulo nimbus
spread across the horizon.

Other times I feel
my life is just threads
weaving in & out
of the lives around me.
Not woven,
just passing through.

Laying in bed, thinking

Damn it all. I just want to be loved by the woman I want to love, like it used to be. No complications, no worries: I love you, you love me, piece of cake. Without that, my life has a big hole that can not be filled, that drains the brightness from my life.
So much was going well for me when you & I were us. Now everything is a steep climb with no view at the top, every bounce a bad hop.

Adirondack Sunrise May 10

Sky of steel grey aluminum overcast.
A lone phoebe calls its name,
calmly, but repeatedly:
"Phoebe. . . Phoebe. . . Phoebe. . . "
"Phoebe. . . Phoebe. . . Phoebe. . . "
A wren twitters in a moment's silent pause.
A distant crow calls once, a mourning dove hoots halfheartedly.
Neighbor's rooster crows muffledly,
shut inside its little barn.
At last the sun illuminates the horizon,
turning the slate-like sky into opalescent backlit tiffany
in illustrious myriad hues of
orange, yellow, pink & blue.

Starlings

The lawn is green
on shades of brown
Starlings, like rats,
swarm all around.
They fight for bits
of straw & hay
Then, frantically,
they fly away
to build their nests
where'er they please --
in eaves and soffits,
holes in trees.

If only they had
songs to sing.
I do not care
for rats with wings.

Aborigines & the Early Explorers in Australia

"The incompetence of the early explorers was a matter of abiding fascination for the Aborigines, who often came to watch. "Our perplexities afforded them an inexhaustible fund of merriment and derision," wrote one chronicler glumly."

In a Sunburned Country by Bill Bryson

737-800 Eastbound

737-800, eastbound for Logan
long week, colleagues & friends in Chicago.
Mystery & intrigue waiting at the gate.
A world of pretty women,
a myriad of different looks,
pretty inside or pretty out.

Meanwhile, it's two free drinks here in comfy business class
on this brand new ATA 737 --
Large leather reclining seats with footrests, free headsets.
No DirecTV like JetBlue but I could go for this route again, just +$30.

39,000 feet, over Albany & into Boston.
Smooth sailing.
We'll land @ six, two hour layover.

Reviewing some of the candids I took @ the gate
I realize that I do not view "live" faces & people as they appear on film.
My judgement is clouded by an ability to see a beauty within,
& I suppose an inability to see what is in front of me.
How will I ever find that
one true, everlasting love ?
That one who is all things to me & to whom I am all things?
Ah, demon, thy name is rum!

How does one say "I am sorry"
for the wreckage left behind?
How does one move ahead
when you can't make up your mind?

Initial descent, on the ground about 5:30,
likely to the gate early.
Just means more time to kill before I catch my little commuter to SLK.

Ah, Boston
feels like home.
No need to parade out the "ahs"(r's)
no need to ask for whole bellies
when you ordah fried clams.
Sounds like home around heya.

Cleared security, no issues.
Hanging out at a little side alley bar.
Rum & coke,
and why is everybody staring at me?
Ain't no pretty ladies,
that's for sure!

Last leg. Finally!
Continental Beechcraft 1900D.
Five passengers, two crew.
Woman pilot.
If I were a pilot, I'd rather fly commuters,
at least in good weather.