Monday, December 18, 2006

How much more?

How much more crap does anyone really need? Come on, people, Last year's digital camera is good enough this year, and you've got the one from the year before that sitting on a shelf somewhere, all dusty & dead batteried (but, hey, that Canon Rebel digital SLR is one hot puppy!)

Cried over love

This morning, I had the most intense dream, so real. It was me & it was you & we were young & in Love & doing all those special young and in love things; not because we have to or should, but because we want to. Simple little things, meaningless except for the thought, and the little teases that actually mean something.

I awoke, cried so hard while brushing me teeth I made those gut-wrenching crying noises. I cried all through me shower, I cried on the way to church when I tried to share it with a friend, and, damn it, I'm crying now.

Because I could have had that life, that love, but life's fucking timing together with my general cluelessness about life & love screwed it all up. And because now I am oldish and fattish and just the angry old man I knew I'd grow up to be. And no one saves you from that. No lost love decides to give it up for a chance with that.

Nothing kills the pain. It hurts so deep I can't think about anything but those images, love so true, and cry.

It's nothing, really. Just the shitty truth of life.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

To bed, to rise

And over and over again.
Migraines have left me nothing to be proud of,
left me no pride nor reputation,
left me nothing that was me.
And all the rest was squashed by you.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006


There is a chill in the air,
like the frosty breeze rolling off a glacier.

And now days later,
a steady flurry of snowflakes,
large and small,
flutter earthward,
white silhouettes against a wall of dark cedars.