Outside, looking in

That has been a theme in my life since my youth, days of teen & pre-teen: always on the outside looking in. The main downside to the blessing of having traveled so much as a child.

But now, closing in on a half-centurian (not the half horse-half man thing, the 50 year old thing), I feel it more strongly and in different ways. I feel like the cloud, turned inside out. My silver lining, exposed thus to air, is tarnished, splotchy green, unappetizing if not down-right ugly.

Crap. Crap. Crap. How I feel. Against all I do, it is still how I feel.