Reflecting at Lake Clear Beach

Wind in the pines and quaking aspens
A steady hiss against the rhythmic lapping of gentle waves
Quiet voices breaking through like wordless notes in a natural scale
A gathering of worshipers of sun and water
Teens on their own, mothers with small children
And one winter-white, tattooed biker

I see that chubby is the new slim
And that's okay, too
So much better than obsessing over figure and fashion

The breeze, not high enough to keep the biting insects away
I am a smorgasbord for black flies and mosquitoes

I reflect upon the years gone by at the beach
As a child on Cape Cod, catching hermit crabs with my baby sister, building little lagoons and sand castles for the little crabs
Gilford Beach with friends and girlfriend
Goffstown State Park after work, single and alone, brief affair with the lovely lifeguard
This very beach with son and daughter, from diapers to teen
And now me, here, alone, contemplating the look & feel of my remaining years

Alone looks pretty good right now

New Rain

Far off lightning flash, then thunders
The air is filled with fragrant wonders
Grass and blossoms, dampened earth
Each scented breath of priceless worth

Morning, Lake Flower

Filtered sunlight
Gold of early morn
Reflecting green hillsides on still waters
The town awakens
Traffic sounds occlude the calls of many birds
Red-winged blackbirds, robins and wrens
Singing only for themselves
A loon cries out in flight
Distant outboard heads across the lake
Gentle hum and slapping water heard long before it is seen

A new day
The same as all
Full of promise or full of pain
That choice, alone, is ours to make

Clouds at Dusk

Pale sky, light blue and peach
Heavy black clouds scraping along the hills around town
Threat of rain that never comes

Spring Rains

The sky a diffuse brightness that hurts the eyes
Between clouds
Dark, heavy, hanging low
Ready to burst upon the landscape:
Green lawns splashed with waves of yellow
Profusion of dandelions;
The hillsides misty lime green
Leaves still crinkled with newness;
Rivers of black, cold water
Bursting banks to meander across wooded valleys;
Quiet village, shades of pale paint
Winter's damp sand accumulated in all its corners;
Small boy pedals his bike, singing to himself
Weary mother trails behind, walking as if on leaden legs.

Mother with child, defiant, spreads blanket along the water's edge
To sit and gaze upon the grey, rippled surface of a mill pond.

And everything changes if but for a moment of pure sunshine -
The landscape,
The mood,
The energy level of life.

Life's Crap

It's never as bad as it seemed when you were up to your neck in it

OR

It was as bad as it seemed but not important in the grand scheme of things

(OR

Thank God for selective short-term memory)

A Cloudy Dawn, Birds Singing

A cloudy day, barely dawns
Robins sing their "rain comes" songs
A Phoebe calls for love. I yawn.
And Sadie sniffs about the lawn.

A lonely morning, I am not singing.
Despite the birds, my ears are ringing
I guess I slept, mid toss & turning
But like the Phoebe, my heart is yearning

Yet spring has come, the air is fresh
I will not keep this mood, I guess
The beauty of the world surrounds
God's hand within my life abounds

We carry on through high and low
What future brings we can not know
Hope and faith that fills our cup
At the bottom one can only look up

Dos Rosas

Tú corazoñ y el mío
Son como dos rosas en florecer
Una casa ardiente en invierno
Juntos como el batir
De las olas en el orilla

Mi Amor Para Ti

Amor oscuro
Amor profundo
Mi amor con mi
Es siempre primero
Mi amor para ti

Naranjas y toranjas
Y dos onzas de ron
Sueño con el dia
Cuando tú yo seremos uni
Mi amor para ti

My Last Letter to Dale Robinette

Twenty years later, I still find myself thinking of you
And I wonder
What would it be like if we were to meet today for the first time

I am older, perhaps even wiser
And I realize that in my youth
You were more a thing than a person
Yet I did love you in the only way I knew how
I gave you my attention
Unable to give my heart and soul

You have not heard the song I wrote for you
I haven't sung it in probably ten years
I can't help feeling that
At the end of my life
You will be there
A fairy tale ending - closure.
Of all that haunts me in my daily life
Yours are the only memories worth savoring.

I have been apologizing forever,
Apologize now and always
For all the stupid things I did
And hope only that you, too,
Find a few memories of me
Worth recollection.


____________________
from my journal, dated 8/23/96